Posted by ag presents the big conclution to the JBH's bigest challenge, as well as a surprize tie in to someone else's story and a brief appearence of the Satireverse! on August 10, 2001 at 18:41:55:
A Kirbyesque lightshow blazes through the surrounding space. The Living Death
That Sucks, otherwise known as Galactivac, blasts pure cosmic energy at the
tired Amazing Guy. The hero has formed some sort of shield from the Multiversal
power at his disposal, but he’s wearing down.
Elsewhere, PGG is shaking the Feeding Machine with her inborn spank ray.
Janeen is filling the cracks and crevasses with cottage cheese.
“I cannot believe these readings. Your power is in a constant flux of growth.
You seem to be drawing your power from the very fabric of the universe. This is
incredible!” Doctor Visionary exclaims to himself.
“Well guys, it has been great knowing you. I only wish I could’ve sorted
things out with my dad, and seen Ultra Thunder Boy once more.” Tonya
regrets.
KAAAATTHHHHHOOOOOOOMMM!
Aboard Vessel a much better feeling Jackie checks on John, her teammate
called Swift.
Outside, above a greenish-blue planet with apparently nothing but water,
Amazing Guy greets the Living Death that Sucks, “Hey G! Here you go! A rich
planet for your hunger!” “My master! There is a world I passed in this solar system. I was there
before that distraction. It is home to the Makluans! I will prepare them for
you!” The herald announces while Galactivac begins to absorb the planet Hur’icn.
Unknown to the JBH, the race of shape changers native to this world, a race
that at this early stage are still merged together in their Great Linkage, begin
to scream and die. The end.
Watch for the next Amazing Tales, to see what's new in the life of AG.
JBH #4, The Darkness Without Part 4
“Little mortal, you truly think
you can run or fight me?” Galactivac quarries, “do you presume since you are a
Lytlsmlvlian you can resist my power?”
Amazing Guy doesn’t hear Galactivac as
the shear force of cosmic power rushes at him. He can feel himself failing, his
power buckling.
“Insignificant flea! You do indeed have the power of the
Multiverse channeled within your small frame but the knowledge to access it? No,
I think not. You can use it to achieve various small feats, but you can never
understand the true power you contain. One more absorbing blast and that power
will be mine!”
Realizing he’s going to die, Scott focuses his power in a
desperate attempt to escape.
As if sensing what he needs, the Multiversal
aura that surrounds his body swallows him up until he is gone.
“Master! Where
did he go?” The Herald of Galactivac asks as he peddles around on his cosmic
ten-speed.
“He has removed himself from this reality. No matter. He will be
back soon enough. Cyclist! Go down to this planet we have found ourselves near
to. Inform the inhabitance that I have come to feed!”
“As you wish my
master!” The Crimson Cyclist obeys. His master returns to his World Ship,
preparing to feast upon the greenish world.
Aboard the sentient spaceship called Vessel, these events have a very strong
reaction from the assembled heroes watching.
The Thonggarian policeman,
Pigeonman, yells, “NO! It can’t be! That’s my home world! Thonggar! If we’re
thousands of years in the past, then my people have probably just started
leaving their trees! The earliest version of the Pigeon Force must be there! We
can’t let Galactivac destroy my planet!”
The golden age Pigeonman comforts
“Don’t worry. We’ll do everything we can to..”
“WE will? Carl, darling, I
don’t mean to be insensitive, but just how are the eight of us going to stop
him?” Pigeonwoman asks, much to the disgust of the second Pigeonman (whom we
will refer to by his given name, Car-Tar, to avoid confusion).
“I’d hate to
admit it, but she’s right. Especially since we’ve just lost two of our number.”
Kid Produce points out. The thought of Little Guy’s sacrifice and the betrayal
and loss of Plantgirl still fresh on their minds.
“If you people wont help
then transport me down there Vessel! I won’t stand idly by while my people get
slaughtered!”
“Don’t worry Car-Tar. We’ll help. We HAVE to! It’s what heroes
do!” Jackie comforts him.
Her determination gives some of the others hope.
One especially.
Jasper walks over to him and her. “Yeah. You’re not alone.
We’re your new friends.”
The depressed ship instantly transports Car-Tar, Kid
Produce and Jackie to the surface.
“Vessel! Why’d you do that? If we’re going
to do this, it has to be as a team!” Tonya fumes.
“Oh. Sorry. Messed up
again. Now can I fly into the sun?”
“Vessel, you’re starting to get on my
nerves! Carl, Shelly, Janeen, lets go down and try to stop this
madness.”
Janeen, still looking at the spot where her husband, Amazing Guy,
had vanished, responds, “But.. But what about Scott? Tonya, we need to go find
him. Make sure he’s ok.”
“Vessel said he was transported. Some how that he
activated his powers and vanished. We’ve got to trust that he’s ok. Come on. One
last mission as MacyMom.”
They vanish, leaving John Swiftman in the medical
bay, alone with his thoughts and memories.
The present day, across from a city strangely similar to Parodopolis, in a
universe similar to the Parodyverse, Amazing Guy finds himself on a barren
island. He looks up to spot the city and the strange floating fortress. Readers
of early Parodyverse stories should recognize this as the same floating aircraft
HQ that the Lair Legion had.
“Lair Island? It is! But, it’s so.. So empty!
And that floating... thing! I saw that before, in the LL’s files, I think. Am I
in the past?”
Then he sees them.
They look very similar to the LL, yet so
different.
Angelheart: “Halt! Who are you and why have you come to
Satireopolis?”
CrazySurgarFreakBabe! : “Hey tall, light and winged, we’re not
a military state! Maybe cute-buns here has a great reason for popping
in!”
Thunar, aiming his unusually large war axe: “Fie! I’ll just smite him
and be done with the insolent speck!”
An old man dressed in an interesting
hat places his arm in front of the angry German thunder God, “Thunar! Not today.
He looks familiar. Son, are you Amazing Guy?”
“Whoa! Yes, but how did you..?”
AG stammers.
The Hatman (the old man with the hat) responds, “Ah. You changed
your look and you have a strange glow, but I recognize you. Back of guys, he’s
not with Nats.”
Now AG is totally confused. He’s standing on a barren Lair
Island, surrounded by a angel, a female CSFB!, a gothic Donar impersonator, some
version of Goldeneyed, but wearing a white shirt and leather jacket (who is,
strangely enough, holding the female CSFB’s hand!) and this old guy with a hat.
The old guy continues, “So AG, or Jim, your back from space. Why the change?
And why are you just standing on Satire Isle?”
“Uh, um. I think there’s been
a mistake. It’s true that I’m Amazing Guy, but my names not Jim and I think I’m
in the wrong universe.”
They stare at him.
Thunar: “FOUL IMPOSTER! FEEL
THE WRAITH OF A THUNDER GOD SCORNED!”
Angelheart, in his angelic, musical
voice: “It is time to repent, SINNER! Thou shalt be thrust down to HELL, just as
I shall do to your partner, that foul Nats!”
Golden Boy (the different
looking Bry Kats, Goldeneyed), “Well loser, you’ve stepped in it this
time!”
The Hatman again interrupts. AG can start to see that the others have
a great deal of respect for this old guy, “ENOUGH CHILDREN!” Amazingly, this
even shuts up Thunar, “Must I constantly keep you people in check!? He’s not
with Nats, just look at him! Zarius, what do you REALLY pick up on him?
Look.”
The winged angelic being, which looks so familiar to AG for some
reason, looks deep.
“By Saint Peter’s robe! Thou art right, Hatman! He is
Scott Brunsen; Amazing Guy from some universe called the Parodyverse! Wait!
There’s more. He’s not really from there. He’s not really from any universe,
but…”
Golden Boy interrupts before Scott can gleam the truth, “ALL RIGHT,
Wings! We get the idea! So why is he here?”
“Let’s return to the Den Fortress
and sort this out.” The Hatman responds.
Once inside the massive complex,
Scott is amazed at the similarities and differences before him. At the entrance
there stands ten-foot statues of various heroes. He sees Jarvis, Lisa,
Banjooooo, Cap and Cobra among them. They look so different though.
“Hey!
Checking out our Hall of Legends huh? Those guys died saving the world.”
CrazySurgarFreakBabe! Responds.
“Yeah, but they were stupid enough to go out
and get themselves in trouble! If they had half the experience and training that
I got from the Observing Eye, they’d still be here!” Golden Boy
remarks.
“Edwin, Laurie, Aqua-Simian, Sarge and Serpent were the greatest and
my friends. You would be wise to remember that!” Hatman chastised.
“Besides,
lover boy!” CSFBabe says; stopping to kiss Bry on the lips, “What makes you so
sure you will last?”
Golden Boy squeezes her hand and says simply, “Because,
as you keep forgetting, I’m a child of Prophecy. I can’t die until I fulfill my
mission.”
“All right people. Take five until our battle tactics meeting.
We’ll regroup in thirty.” The elderly Capped Crusader commands. He then escorts
AG to the lab. “Well, if anyone can get you back to your team its Dr. Visionary.
He’s a brilliant man whom has proven himself for years with his advance
knowledge of robotics and all the various other sciences he’s learned.”
Scott
just can’t believe it all. Now Visionary is a great man? This place will HAVE to
make it into a report.
They enter the lab to find Dr. Visionary talking to a
red with white temple-haired businessman. This older executive seems familiar to
Scott. He can’t place him, but he’s sure he would’ve remembered someone with
that much composure and self-confidence.
The Hatman: “Doctor, I’d like you to
meet Amazing Guy. He’s from a parallel universe called the Parodyverse. Amazing
Guy, I’d like you to meet Dr. Visionary and you’re in luck! This here is Mr.
William Reed, president of the Interdimensional Transportation Corporation. If
anyone can get you home, it’s them. Now, if you will all excuse me, I’ve got to
plan the Den Defenders next battle with the evil Lord Nats.”
KAAATHOOOOOMMM!!!
The cosmic blast throws the golden age Pigeonman to
the ground. The Crimson Cyclist pedal around in a circle then closes in for
another blast.
A spurt of milk sprays on his pedals, causing him to slip. A
spank ray crashes him into a building.
Pigeonwoman helps her husband up, “Are
you ok Carl?”
“Yes Shelly, I think I’ll be ok. Stupid of me to not watch like
that. In the old days you’d never catch me..”
“Precisely! Carl, we may be in
young reincarnated bodies, but that doesn’t mean we’re still up to snuff. I’m
tired Carl. Tired of dying and being reincarnated. Maybe, after this is all
over, we can just live normal lives?”
True to her
doubts about her powers being ineffective, the Feeding Machine whirs and hums,
then sprays out cleansing foam that dissolves the dairy product. The shaking is
less effective as well.
Tonya says to Janeen, “This isn’t working. We need
help.”
Amazing Guy is lying on a
cold lab table here in the Den Defender’s floating fortress. Doctor Vish and
Professor Reed are busy studying charts, readouts, monitors and hand held
devices, trying to gleam how AG got here and how he can reverse back
home.
Professor Reed: “Maybe your readings are wrong? If we shift the
Auxiliary Fabricator to maximum voltage, then charge the anti-matter perkilators
to a forward thrust, we should gain more positive assurance to his proper
condition.”
Doctor Visionary: “Not according to the hydro-octave racillitory
chamber! We should first consult the library of the native Amazing Guy’s
performed tasks and skills, match those to the pulsing facilitator and then
activate the vibrationary urinationary gaskator reader.”
“Don’t mind those
two. When they get together there’s no stopping them. Can I get you anything?” A
familiar looking young man asks.
“spiffy! So there’s a version of you, too?”
Scott blurts out.
“Uh, I think the brains have done too much testing on you.
I’m the Hopkins 2001. The latest in staff supporting available. If you need
anything, just let me know.” With that, the artificial boy that looks remarkably
like the ferned wonder exits the lab.
Scott looks back at the conversing
doctors, wondering when he’d get home when another “person” comes
around.
“You look even more confused then our AG! Hi! I’m Henchbot. I’m an
ultraviolet holographic creation of Dr. Vish. That robot you were talking to is
the replacement the good doctor built after our young page and helper, Mark
Hopkins, was killed.”
“Ah. Excuse me Henchbot, but does your universe have a
name? I’m going to need to report this to some of the heroes I know back
home.”
“The Satireverse! I’m sorry AG, but we’ve been pretty occupied around
here.” Dr. Visionary responds, “What we have discovered is that you are unique.
You originate everywhere at once!”
Scott just stares.
Professor Reed, ever
the more personable one, explains, “What my erstwhile college is trying to say
is that each and everyone in the Multiverse resonates a certain vibration that
serves as a sort of dimensional thumb print. Through this, my staff at ITC can
locate or return anyone to their home universe. You, however, are unique. Your
vibrational print is a combination of ALL the universes.”
Dr. Vish breaks in,
“What else is fascinating is that our Amazing Guy, Jim Naybors, a mutant with
the ability to change his body to concrete and gain super strength and
invulnerability, although owning a vibrational print of our universe, is just a
small copy of you! The rest of us are original, but he seems to be fashioned
AFTER you. Incredible!”
Scott tries to clear his head from all of this by
getting to the point, “But I still want to know how to get home. My wife, my
team, my kids are..”
Both scientists visibly jump, “You have offspring?!!
Then that would mean…” Professor Reed gives a strong glance at Dr. Vish.
“Uh,
yes. Just concentrate on your universe, this Parodyverse, and you should be able
to go.” Reed states.
Scott focuses inside and after a couple of minutes the
Multiversal effect swallows him up and he vanishes.
“Fascinating!” both men
observe.
Professor Reed thinks hard about what he must do next.
“But this is wrong! We CAN’T die! Scott, my kids!” Janeen
exclaims.
“We’re not dead yet! We won’t go down with out a fight!” Carl
challenged.
“Carl, wake up! That’s Galactivac! We’re specks to him! None of
us have the power to stop him! He does about to blast us, then eat this planet
before its time and all we can do is die! We never should’ve come out of
retirement!” Shelly, Carl’s wife, regrets.
That’s when the strange birdmen
armed with lasers started drawing the World Sucker’s attention.
One familiar
looking, lone birdman flies into view. Each arm holds a different hero. He drops
Jasper and Jackie by their teammates and soars into the conflict, “WINGED
WARRIORS! PROTECT YOUR PLANET! ATTAAAAACK!!!”
“THERE you guys are! What
happened?” A temporarily relieved Tonya asks.
Jackie continues to squint in
the bright sunlight, (is it her or is it unusually brighter during the day?)
“You know how Car-Tar is always going on about his world? Well it turns out he’s
a Thonggarian history buff. He knew where to find the early version of the
planet’s government and ... er, Air Force? Anyway, he explained that he was from
the future and that Galactivac was going to destroy them. They think he’s a
god.”
“Galactivac?” Janeen asks.
“No. Car-Tar.”
“Oh those poor deluded
people!”
Jackie starts to stammer.
“Hey! You ok?” Pigeonwoman asks as she
catches her.
“It’s just so hot, and bright.”
Jasper, worry plain on his
face, explains, “She’s not doing to good. She should sit this one out.”
“No,
i cant. I..”
“Yes. Yes you can! Vessel?” PGG calls.
The ship’s voice comes
over the communicator she's holding, “Somebody really wants me? Ah well. Guess i
can always end my existence later.”
Ignoring the depressed Vessel, Tonya
continues, “Beam Jackie up there.”
“NO! YOU NEE...” she vanishes.
“Come on
guys. Let’s finish this thing!” She says as she charges into the
fray.
Although heavily out matched, the JBH continue to fight well. So well
that Car-Tar becomes impressed.
Scott stands in horror as he sees another city
block go up in flames. So much blood on the streets! And what's with all the
frogs?
He uses his Multiversal aura to stop a building from falling on
several people. Then he opens a starfeild “passage” for a group of frightened
children to pass through.
“It looks like Parodopolis, but that cant be! Every
thing was fine when the Hood sent us through time. No. I must be in another
parallel universe again. Earth-Armageddon or
something.”
BOOOOOOOOM!
“AAAHH! Jeeze! If I stay around here I might get
killed, and then I wouldn’t be able to help the others get home. Ok Scott,” he
thinks amidst the carnage, “Concentrate on something to focus on the right
universe. I know Janeen!” He focuses and disappears.
No one even noticed he
was there, as the people of the true Parodopolis flee in terror.
“Leg feeling better?”
“It’s broken Jackie so it hurts like
Hell.”
“Um, well, when we get back maybe..”
“IF we get back! Don’t you get
it? Plantgirl was a traitor! Tom died! How much more has to happen to convince
you people the JBH is through? IF we get home, I’m heading. I don’t want anymore
to do with this crap. Too much.”
There’s nothing Jackie can say. The
uncomfortable silence is deafening when Vessels voice drones in, “Jackie, your
friend, Amazing Guy, is back. Just thought you would want to know.”
Relieved,
Jackie excuses herself, thanks Vessel and heads to the bridge. Once there she
sees AG warping space around Galactivac. The Crimson Cyclist peddling closer to
the caped hero.
“Oh no you don’t! Lets see if this works..” AG opens a
Multiversal portal, concentrating on the other side of the universe. The portal
sucks up the Cyclist.
“JBH! If we’re going to do something, we’d better do it
fast!” AG says.
Jackie, on the ship, gets an idea, “Vessel, show me those
star charts again.”
“I guess so. You don’t have to ask how I’m doing or
anything. Just ask me to do stuff for you. That’s all I am, a slave-ship. Here
you go.”
“Now, plot a course to the planet Makluos. Show me the uninhabited
worlds between here and there… good, good, THERE! That’s the closest. What one
is that?”
“According to these charts, that’s the planet Hur’icn. The files
say it’s void of known life. Want to know how my afternoon has been while you
were on planet?”
“No time for that right now! Beam up the others,
quick!”
PhantomGhostGirl, Janeen, Kid Produce, Amazing Guy and all three
Pigeon heroes appear on the bridge.
“You can not take me away from my people
at their hour of need!” Car-Tar angrily enthused.
“It’s kind of dark in here.
Oh, Jackie! Thanks!” Shelly says.
“Are you ok Jackie?” Jasper
worried.
“There's no time for that! AG, this is a planet ripe for Galactivac.
Can you tow us there, getting him to follow us?”
Scott responds, “I see where
you’re going with this! Ok!”
He forms the Multiversal effect around him and
passes through the bulkhead.
“I didn’t know he could do that!” Jasper
exclaims.
“I didn’t know our Jackie could be so forceful!” Tonya says with
pride.
Amazing Guy flies past Galactivac’s nose and lets it rip. He forces
his energy into a blast of power. It actually knocks the Planet Sucker back a
foot.
“You..DARE?” Is all the Living Death That Sucks says, but with his
large alien eyes glowing with cosmic power, it’s enough.
AG flies a safe
distance (if there IS such a thing) and replies defiantly, “Yes! It’s MY power
you want G! Come on then! Forget these little birds and come get it! Catch me if
you can!”
“The power that is Galactivac does not waste itself upon foolish
childish..”
But at that moment AG flies into Vessel and envelopes the ship in
a Multiversal bubble, then warps away.
“I cannot let that power escape!
Despite my hunger, I must follow!”
Faster then nature would allow, the World
Ship goes into warp after AG’s trail.
In warp space, AG calls the battered, torn heroes together.
“Guys, in a
few moments we’ll lead Galactivac to a world on the path to Makluos. The time
line will be restored and with my advancement in power, I can get us home.
Guys,” he looks at their tired faces, “We did it. We passed the Hoods stupid
test. We showed him the JBH is made of sterner stuff. Now, there's something I
need to say.”
Everyone listens, not feeling very triumphant.
“I’m leaving
the team.”
They stare, stupefied.
“With these powers I feel that there's a
lot I can do, and a lot I need to learn. You guys have proven yourselves. I’m
leaving Carl in charge to..”
The original Pigeonman interrupts, “Excuse me
AG, but Shelly and I have been talking. We’re going to retire from the super
hero business. We feel its time for the slow life of archeology.
Sorry.”
Scott pauses for a moment, “Well, then, uh, Tonya?”
“Of course.
I’ll take a shot at leading, but is there a team to lead? Your leaving, Janeen,
Swift and the Pigeons are retiring, poor Tom is.. gone, then Plantgirl… well,
are we still a team?” Tonya asks.
“Hey! What am I? Chopped carrots? I’m not
going anywhere!” Jackie enthused.
“Are you sure you’re up to it?” Jasper
asks.
“Of course! There's two of us.” Is her reply.
“Make that three.”
Jasper said, “Being in the JBH has been great! I wouldn’t leave if you dragged
me out!”
Car-Tar, the Thonggarian policeman speaks up, “If you noble warriors
will have me, I will fight by your side. I am greatly sorrowful for how I’ve
treated you. Seeing your heroism on my planet, fighting, even though you were
outmatched, well that has gone far to show me your true colors.”
Tonya
responds, “Well, that makes four then. I guess it’s a start.”
Scott powers
up, “We’re here! I’ll be right back!”
He phases through the bulkhead, leaving
the other heroes to fear for his safety.
“Look! The Crimson Cyclist is back
too!” Jasper points.
“I require the nourishment of two worlds to satisfy
my hunger after the chase you have let me upon! I will wait no longer!”
“Ah,
I think not. Ta ta big pockets!” and with a fast warping effect, Amazing Guy
pulls Vessel and everyone aboard through a Multiversal rift. He closes it just
in time to hear the World-Sucker yell with frustration.
No one will realize, or ever know that from this world
came the alien hero and friend to Scott and Janeen, Wilblk. Now, thanks to the
kind efforts of Jackie and Scott, Wilblk will never be.
And
soon after that, JBH #5, New Order!